Kingston region tests positive for major climate change indicator

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Sunny skies and melting snowbanks throughout the region this afternoon tell the story of a far more troubling trend. One of the leading indicators of climate change, “temperature” has tested positive for the first time in recent memory.

“We’re way up into the positive territory today,” remarked a local climatologist. “Nearly a full degree as of two o’clock.”

Indeed, while some believe it to be a brief anomaly, others fear that there is a growing trend of warming set to engulf the region.

“A while back, you’d have low temperatures you couldn’t even fathom,” remarked a local farmer. “But now’days you’re seein’ nights that are only a few degrees below, and days are getting even warmer! I can’t remember the last time I felt heat like that during the day, but it feels like a lifetime. I might have to buy a lighter jacket to keep from sweating.”

Far worse implications are foreseen for local infrastructure if the trend isn’t reversed.

“We’re talking major critical breakdowns and significant impact to traffic and quality of travel for many roads, sidewalks, and parking lots,” explained a local engineer. “Much of this infrastructure is based on the frozen substrate, or using it to account for damage or neglect underneath. With rising temperatures you’ll lose the ice filling out potholes, the smooth snowpack sidewalks, and traffic-directing snowbanks that are currently in place. It quickly devolves into anarchy with only a few degrees change.”

Experts agree that without major changes, these trends will continue for the foreseeable future, with longer and more intense stretches of positive temperature forecasted to become the norm.

“At this point, it might be too late,” the climatologist offered. “We may be past the tipping point, and nobody knows what to expect after that.”

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