Furniture resellers scramble as local couch values plummet

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As the traditionally hectic season of student exodus reaches peak traffic, furniture values throughout the city are plummeting at a record rate.

“Even though we expect it at this time of year, the pace of devaluation today is staggering,” explained a local furniture day-trader. “By the time we opened, the weekend Kijiji numbers had already forced full couch prices down into the low hundreds. What’s worse is that there seems to be a huge amount of panic in the market, which will make things volatile.”

Indeed, the late arrival of spring this year meant that many couches which may have transitioned into being lawn couches, and subsequently landfill, have instead stayed inside, keeping their value and ripening for the moving season. However this widespread availability has caused an overall drop in the market value per piece.

“It’s like, supply and demand, brah.” explained a first-year economics student who paused his front-lawn beer pong game when asked for comment. “there’s like, everyone has all these couches they need to sell, but like since everyone is… uhh… selling already, then it’s like whoever is the lowest is gonna sell first right?”

Indeed this race to the bottom has seen some owners resorting to junking their investments, and listing the couches for the cost of transportation, or free if picked up. Even traditional last resorts of disposal including the salvation army, where one can at least recoup some good will, are turning these toxic assets away.

“Everyone’s trying to bail out in the middle of the meltdown,” explains the trader. “Those of us playing the long game have seen this before, so we’re out scouring the ads, looking for under-valued stuff that we can pick up and hold onto for a while. Come fall, a lot of this stuff will appreciate considerably, but you’ve got to be able to ride it for a while.”

It remains to be seen if playing the furniture market can be sustainable long-term, but the emergence of these kinds of industries in the city make it seem that, for now, they can become a sound investment.

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