Nanny state prevents students from strengthening gene pool

Standard

In another example of state intrusion into the activities of citizens, three Queen’s University students were hauled ashore by fire crews, after attempting an afternoon paddle aboard their canoe.

As reported by the Whig Standard, the students left shore west of Kingston Yacht Club wearing sports attire and PFD’s. Their initial progress was slow, as the water proved rather solid for the first few hundred feet. Undeterred, the students managed a frigid portage to open water, where their journey continued.

Ashore, onlookers waved and gestured at the students attempting to gain their attention, failing to understand the purpose of the trip. The students, dimly unaware of the doom that natural selection had in store, smiled and waved back to the observers, who perceived this as a cry for help.

Just as the journey was beginning to approach its dangerous conclusion, Kingston Fire Rescue arrived on scene and proceeded to execute their ice water rescue training. The students realized that their practical application of Darwinism may be halted, and tried to indicate to the rescue personnel that they were in fact there on purpose, and did not require assistance.

Using persuasion skills not normally required of rescue workers, Kingston Fire was able to explain to the students the situation they were in, and convince them that returning to shore would be the safest option for everyone involved.

The students reluctantly obliged, and while clearly in contradiction with the premise of self-preservation, the students were found to not have violated any known legal requirements, and were told they were free to go.

It is hoped that their journey will not be a complete loss, as many others may learn to plan their suicidally dangerous activities more carefully, or out of the public eye, lest these helicopter-parenting onlookers ruin another perfectly good attempt at becoming a cautionary tale.

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One thought on “Nanny state prevents students from strengthening gene pool

  1. Ray

    It seems to me that the future of our planet would be better served if those with too much “theoretical” education, like those in a canoe on a frozen lake, were allowed to continue on unimpeded by synthetic influences ie: Rescue Services. Those with a more “practical” education, or at least, those who have seen “Titanic” would survive and allow the planet to prosper.

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