A local man has come out in opposition to the popular Tim Horton’s “Roll up the Rim” promotion, saying that the combination of caffeine and adrenaline it provides is a health risk to people like himself.
“Woo! That feeling you get when you roll up a winner!” The man exclaimed, eyes wide and hands shaking. “You tie that into a jolt of caffeine, man that’s a rush and a half. Bit of nicotine to keep things from going too wiggly and then it’s time to play again!”
Indeed playing again has been a problem for the man, who admits that he can’t resist the urge to immediately trade in any winners for the chance to “double down on his double double” by chaining together successive winners.
“Best streak I got was a 4-banger last weekend. Couldn’t believe it when the last one was a donut and not another drink. I guess it could have been worse but I got lucky riding that one as far as it would go.” However, the man admits that the health effects were considerable.
“Didn’t sleep a wink. Just kept goin’ around in my head, thinking of the sleeves of cups they’ve got behind the counter. Trying to figure out the odds, the best time of day, or which stores were the best to go to and when. I’m getting a system in place, but I can’t tell you too much about that.”
Friends of the man have always known there was a possibility for things like this to happen.
“I hear people say ‘addictive personality’ and he’s the one I think of,” admitted a friend. “Caffeine, nicotine, dopamine, right? He gets a rush from something, and he’ll just keep going until he burns out or hurts himself.”
Tim Horton’s wouldn’t comment on the though of their promotion as “gambling” but admitted that there is a tangible promotional aspect to making people believe they could be winners.
“Our promotion fits within all legal guidelines, and is designed in such a way to reward those who enjoy our beverages.” Remarked a spokesperson. “We encourage our customers to exercise moderation in all parts of their life, and to ensure that they are coming in for our excellent service and not for the prizes on the poster.”