Swaggering around Sochi with their gold medals prominently displayed around their necks, Canadian hockey players realized that they had become the evil step-sisters to the Cinderella nations of the world.
“Well, we’re the best… It’s our game…” said a player, nervously looking around. “We worked really hard for these, and came out on top again. We’re really proud.”
Other nations were less congratulatory.
“We nearly played ourselves to death,” lamented a Latvian defender. “Our goalie was almost killed by exhaustion, we were throwing up between periods and shivering on the bench. These guys are inhuman.”
American players were similarly upset.
“Oh, hey let’s just protect our one-goal lead. Ha-ha, real funny right?” fumed a trainer. “These guys come in and just roll right over us. It sucked,”
While at home millions cheered on the game, the rest of the hockey world was apathetic at best.
“Whoopee, Canada again,” shrugged a reporter. “There’s no narrative there. How do you write an interesting story out of that? ‘Steamroller flattens pavement’ has about the same ring to it. It’s not news it’s just procedure.”