Church leaders “totally not mad” as millions wake up early on Sunday to watch sports


Across Canada this morning, religious leaders are trying to hide their irritation behind patriotic smiles as millions woke up early to watch multimillionaire celebrities play a game for national pride.

“We’re all praying that they bring home the gold,” remarked a local priest, “however I will admit that we are amazed at the ability of a sport to generate such a response in our followers.”

“We’re not mad,” he was quick to add, “just disappointed.”

Many locals sheepishly admitted that this was the most exciting thing to happen on a Sunday morning for years.

“It’s not every week you’ve got an olympic gold medal final,” remarked a man, his coffee smelling of cream and liqueur. “There’s drama and excitement, national pride, cultural identity. It’s practically a religion in itself, and way more attention grabbing than stories about people written millions of years ago.”


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