Church leaders “totally not mad” as millions wake up early on Sunday to watch sports

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Across Canada this morning, religious leaders are trying to hide their irritation behind patriotic smiles as millions woke up early to watch multimillionaire celebrities play a game for national pride.

“We’re all praying that they bring home the gold,” remarked a local priest, “however I will admit that we are amazed at the ability of a sport to generate such a response in our followers.”

“We’re not mad,” he was quick to add, “just disappointed.”

Many locals sheepishly admitted that this was the most exciting thing to happen on a Sunday morning for years.

“It’s not every week you’ve got an olympic gold medal final,” remarked a man, his coffee smelling of cream and liqueur. “There’s drama and excitement, national pride, cultural identity. It’s practically a religion in itself, and way more attention grabbing than stories about people written millions of years ago.”

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